1 00:00:04,214 --> 00:00:06,257 Hey, Rick. 2 00:00:06,341 --> 00:00:08,259 I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend. 3 00:00:08,343 --> 00:00:09,928 You think you could help me out? 4 00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:11,721 - Whatever. - Well, I mean, traditionally... 5 00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:14,182 science fairs are a father-son thing. 6 00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:17,060 Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing. 7 00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:18,645 Morty, I think it would be fun for you 8 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,481 to work on a science project with your Dad. 9 00:00:23,525 --> 00:00:25,443 Uh... 10 00:00:25,527 --> 00:00:28,196 Yeah, Dad. Why don't we do it together? 11 00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:31,074 Yes! You backed the right horse on this one, son. 12 00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:33,284 We'll get out the crayons, brew some coffee, 13 00:00:33,368 --> 00:00:35,703 and knock this thing out in two or three days. 14 00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:38,623 What is my purpose? 15 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,875 Pass the butter. 16 00:00:42,377 --> 00:00:43,962 Thank you. 17 00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:48,341 Dad, I need a ride to work. 18 00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:50,218 Maybe Rick can give you a ride. 19 00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:52,095 I'm helping Morty with science. 20 00:00:52,178 --> 00:00:54,097 - I'm busy. - Doing what? 21 00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:56,641 Uh, anything else. 22 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,643 What is my purpose? 23 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,770 You pass butter. 24 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,480 Oh, my god. 25 00:01:02,564 --> 00:01:04,524 Yeah, welcome to the club, pai. 26 00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:40,393 Since when do you have a job? 27 00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:41,394 Since last week. 28 00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,229 It's part-time at this Little vintage thrift store. 29 00:01:43,313 --> 00:01:45,648 My boss is this really smart, eccentric old man 30 00:01:45,732 --> 00:01:47,942 that treats me nice and values me. 31 00:01:48,026 --> 00:01:49,819 Meow. Can't wait to meet... 32 00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:51,696 this fascinating character. 33 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,324 Please don't. 34 00:01:54,407 --> 00:01:57,201 Oh. Well, when did this stop being Jamba Juice? 35 00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,454 I've just recently opened for business, 36 00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:01,623 Mister, um, Goldenfold. 37 00:02:01,706 --> 00:02:02,999 You know my name? 38 00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:04,792 That's disarming. 39 00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:07,629 I also know you long for female company. 40 00:02:07,712 --> 00:02:10,757 You know, it has been Lonely since the divorce. 41 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,676 Some voids can't be filled with Jamba Juice. 42 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,263 This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women. 43 00:02:17,347 --> 00:02:18,723 Free of charge. 44 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,434 One never pays here -- not with money. 45 00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:23,436 Nothing to read into there. Thanks! 46 00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:25,480 Sorry I'm late, Mr. Needful. 47 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:28,733 This is my grandpa, Rick. He was just leaving. 48 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:29,859 Huh. 49 00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:31,736 Tell me, Rick, what do you desire? 50 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,738 Eh, I make my own stuff. 51 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,615 So, what are you -- like, the devil? 52 00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,283 - What? Sorry? - I don't know. 53 00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:40,495 Store comes out of nowhere, all the shit's old and creepy. 54 00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:42,455 Are you the devil? A demon? Leprechaun? 55 00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,332 - Grandpa Rick! - Hey, I'm not judging. 56 00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:46,334 Just like shoot straight. I'm a man of science. 57 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:49,170 Ah, then perhaps you could make use of this. 58 00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:53,174 This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension. 59 00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,476 Grandpa, go home and drink. 60 00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:07,313 Why don't we do a model of the solar system? 61 00:03:07,397 --> 00:03:09,315 That's what my Dad did with me when I was your age. 62 00:03:09,399 --> 00:03:10,900 Oh, okay. 63 00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,569 You know, Rick's in his lab, making cyborgs 64 00:03:13,653 --> 00:03:15,905 and wormholes and all that weird stuff, 65 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,740 but this is real science. 66 00:03:17,824 --> 00:03:19,909 A man and his boy, making planets. 67 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,495 Hey, how about we use a ping-pong ball for Pluto? 68 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:23,955 And then Jupiter -- 69 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:26,541 Uh, actuality, I don't think Pluto's a planet. 70 00:03:28,126 --> 00:03:29,919 Of course Pluto's a planet, son. 71 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,796 I learned that in the third grade. 72 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,548 Well, yeah, but you know they changed it. 73 00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:35,508 Morty, nobody changed the planets. 74 00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,927 I just goggled it. Pluto's not a planet. 75 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,929 They changed it in 2006. 76 00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:42,640 Yeah, I heard about that, Morty. 77 00:03:42,724 --> 00:03:45,518 And I disagree. - You disagree? 78 00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,020 That's right. It's possible to disagree in science, Morty. 79 00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:49,689 Pluto was a planet. 80 00:03:49,772 --> 00:03:51,357 Some committee of fancy assholes disagree. 81 00:03:51,441 --> 00:03:53,359 I disagree back. Give me a ping-pong ball. 82 00:03:53,443 --> 00:03:55,820 Um, okay. I-l just have to... 83 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,655 Go find Rick and go over my head about Pluto? 84 00:03:57,739 --> 00:03:58,865 No. Geez! 85 00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:01,284 I just gotta go to the bathroom. Damn. 86 00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:04,162 Oh. Okay, good. 87 00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,830 This is gonna be fun. 88 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,666 Hey, Morty, let me-- let me -- 89 00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:10,585 let me ask you a question real quick. 90 00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:12,420 Does evil exist, and if so, 91 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,172 can one detect and measure it? 92 00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:16,007 - Um... - Rhetorical question, Morty. 93 00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,384 The answer's "yes, you just have to be a genius." 94 00:04:18,468 --> 00:04:20,303 Cute. Your sister's boss gave me a microscope 95 00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:21,888 that would have made me retarded. 96 00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:23,681 Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick. 97 00:04:23,765 --> 00:04:25,683 I'm don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know? 98 00:04:25,767 --> 00:04:28,060 Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. 99 00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:30,480 I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, 100 00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:32,106 it would have made me mentally retarded. 101 00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:34,567 Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. 102 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,486 I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for 103 00:04:36,569 --> 00:04:38,988 powerful groups that are doing the right thing. 104 00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,698 Well, that's retarded. 105 00:04:40,782 --> 00:04:42,575 - What are you talking about? - Apparently, nothing. 106 00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,619 You asked him if Pluto's a planet, didn't you? 107 00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:45,703 - No! - It's not. 108 00:04:45,787 --> 00:04:47,205 - Shut up, Rick. - Whoa. 109 00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:48,873 I don't care what anyone says. 110 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,709 If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again. 111 00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:54,629 Planet. Planet, planet, planet. 112 00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:57,131 Stay scientific, Jerry. 113 00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:00,760 This aftershave made women want me, 114 00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:02,762 but it also made me impotent! 115 00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:05,473 A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold. 116 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,809 A price for everything. 117 00:05:09,227 --> 00:05:11,521 Oh, my god! 118 00:05:11,604 --> 00:05:14,232 How could I not see this coming?! 119 00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:17,985 My lust! 120 00:05:18,069 --> 00:05:20,196 My greed! 121 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,782 I deserved this! 122 00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:25,785 This serum should counteract the negative effects. 123 00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:28,496 Holy cats! Ladies, let's get out of here. 124 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,498 I haven't learned a thing! 125 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:31,916 Here. 126 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,668 You can have this back. 127 00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:34,919 You didn't use it? 128 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,796 Sure I did -- to develop this. 129 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:38,881 It detects and catalogs all your "Twilight Zone," 130 00:05:38,965 --> 00:05:41,384 Ray Bradbury, "Friday the 13th" The Series 131 00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,052 voodoo crap magic. 132 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,554 I thought you might want it so you didn't 133 00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:47,056 accidentally sell anybody, say... 134 00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,600 A typewriter that generates best-selling murder mysteries 135 00:05:49,684 --> 00:05:52,520 and then makes the murders happen in real life? 136 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:53,479 Ooh. - Be quiet. 137 00:05:53,563 --> 00:05:54,897 Don't you want to make sure 138 00:05:54,981 --> 00:05:56,482 people know what they're getting? 139 00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,609 You're not intentionally selling... 140 00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:00,403 Beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty 141 00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:02,655 but also makes them blind? 142 00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:04,657 I find this all quite preposterous. 143 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,659 Oh, I say, good sir. Oh, harrumph. 144 00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:09,620 Oh, oh! 145 00:06:09,704 --> 00:06:11,122 That's beautiful. 146 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:13,958 You know it's gonna be wearing you in three hours? 147 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,710 Do I need to call the police? 148 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,128 Here, you can use my phone. 149 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,671 Don't worry, it won't make you deaf 150 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,006 because I'm not a hack. 151 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,424 Hey! 152 00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:24,468 You think you're fucking so great! 153 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,345 Stop it! No! 154 00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,222 Fuck yeah, man. 155 00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:29,974 Stop it right now! 156 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,059 Grandpa Rick, I like working here. 157 00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:34,228 - You work for the devil. - So what? 158 00:06:34,312 --> 00:06:35,897 - "So what?" - Yes! 159 00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,565 So what if he's the devil, Rick? 160 00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:39,233 At least the devil has a job. 161 00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:40,985 At least he's active in the community. 162 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,653 What do you do? 163 00:06:42,737 --> 00:06:44,739 You eat our food and make gadgets. 164 00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:47,116 Buh-bye. 165 00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:48,618 WhOops. 166 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,705 I'm sorry, Mr. Needful. I'll clean that up. 167 00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,498 I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady 168 00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,167 that came out of it, but -- - it's fine. 169 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,127 Summer, you know, your grandfather's right. 170 00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,922 This store curses people. That's my business. 171 00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:03,341 Well, yeah. Fast-food gives people diabetes, 172 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:05,176 and clothing stores have sweatshops. 173 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,386 Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn't evil? 174 00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,096 This is my first job. 175 00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:10,806 You've been nice to me, Mr. Needful. 176 00:07:10,890 --> 00:07:12,600 You respect me. 177 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:15,102 Please, call me "The Devil." 178 00:07:15,186 --> 00:07:16,938 I'd rather not, actually. 179 00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:18,773 Yes, perhaps not during business hours. 180 00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:20,775 I told you, I want to file a declaration 181 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:22,944 that Pluto is a planet. 182 00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:25,279 Well, then my son's going to fail his science class, 183 00:07:25,363 --> 00:07:27,490 and when that happens, I'm suing you first. 184 00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:30,826 I think I know what the "A" in N.A.S.A. stands for. 185 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:33,704 - Dad, what's your endgame? - Ain't no game, suck a. 186 00:07:33,788 --> 00:07:35,456 Why don't we just make the solar system with eight planets? 187 00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:36,749 It's even easier. 188 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:39,919 Sure, sure, and why don't we just burn Galileo at the stake 189 00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,921 for saying the sun is round? 190 00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:44,131 Science isn't always easy, Morty. 191 00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,343 Whoa! Whoa! 192 00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:48,970 What the hell?! 193 00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,402 I'm King Flippy Nips, ruler of Pluto. 194 00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:06,737 We discovered you quite by accident 195 00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:09,407 during routine surveillance of your word. 196 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:12,451 You really gave it to those guys at N.A.S.A. 197 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:13,953 I was -- you know, 198 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:16,288 sometimes science is about conviction. 199 00:08:16,372 --> 00:08:18,791 It'd like to introduce you to a few people 200 00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,793 that very much agree with you. 201 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,628 Oh, I... 202 00:08:22,712 --> 00:08:24,922 Plutonians. 203 00:08:25,006 --> 00:08:26,966 Jerry Smith is a scientist from Earth, 204 00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:30,469 where he's creating a model of our solar system. 205 00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,806 Jerry, tell Pluto about your decision. 206 00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,019 Um... Pluto's a planet. 207 00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:42,273 Pluto's a fucking planet, bitch! 208 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,818 Oh, man. This is definitely gonna go to his head. 209 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:49,613 If it's athletic prowess you desire, Principal Vagina, 210 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,490 I might -- - I'll take it. 211 00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:52,533 B-But I haven't even -- 212 00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:53,617 Thank you very, very much. 213 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,828 Great store. Great place. Bye. 214 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,705 Huh. Okay. 215 00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:00,624 I must say, Summer, I thought your grandfather's outburst 216 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,001 would have disrupted business, 217 00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:04,712 but this is the best weekend I've had since Salem. 218 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,714 Nice. "Wholesome Delight" for lunch? 219 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,716 - Is that the vegan place? - Yeah, I love their soup. 220 00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:10,593 I'm kind of soup-ed out. 221 00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,511 Mrs. Tate, is it? 222 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,722 What do you desire? 223 00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,891 Whoa, whoa, slow down, honey. 224 00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:18,642 Oh, is there a limit? Everything's free, right? 225 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:22,271 Let's just say you don't pay... with money. 226 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,273 That was perfect. 227 00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,275 You pay with the curses, right? 228 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,860 Um... I -- well... 229 00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:31,113 But, Mrs. Tate, why do you want cursed items? 230 00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:32,823 Well, I'm going to get the curses removed 231 00:09:32,907 --> 00:09:34,158 at "Curse Purge Plus." 232 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,160 You know, the guy on TV? 233 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,204 What? 234 00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:40,664 Have you acquired creepy specific old stuff 235 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,166 from a mysterious antique or thrift store 236 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,585 that gives you powers but fucks with you 237 00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,753 in unforeseeable ways? 238 00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,463 Bring it to "'Curse Purge Plus. "" 239 00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,549 I use science to un-curse the items for cash, 240 00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,134 and you get to keep the powers. 241 00:09:52,218 --> 00:09:53,427 This guy got mysterious sneakers 242 00:09:53,511 --> 00:09:55,679 to make him run faster, but guess what? 243 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:57,556 He would have had to run until he died, 244 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,766 making them worthless. 245 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:00,434 I removed me curse, making them worth, 246 00:10:00,518 --> 00:10:02,728 like, I don’t know, $8 million. 247 00:10:02,812 --> 00:10:03,979 See you at the Olympics. 248 00:10:04,063 --> 00:10:05,481 This eerily intelligent doll 249 00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:07,191 was threatening to murder its family 250 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,609 Now it does the irtaxes. 251 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,236 Everything's deductible. 252 00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:11,946 Don't pay for cool stuff with your soul 253 00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:13,489 Pay for it with money 254 00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,825 You know, like how every other store in the world works? 255 00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:18,077 We're located at First and Main in Old Town. 256 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,495 Come on -- come on down. 257 00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:20,788 "First and..." 258 00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:24,792 That's right across the street from "Needful Things, "" 259 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,211 where you can get evil items for free! 260 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:30,673 Diabolic son of a motherf-- 261 00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,675 We're back on "Good Morning, Pluto." 262 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:34,677 And a very good morning it is 263 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,429 for our guest, Earth scientist Jerry Smith, 264 00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:39,640 who's making headlines with his bold announcement 265 00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,809 that is what, Jerry? 266 00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,477 Pluto is a planet. 267 00:10:43,561 --> 00:10:45,271 Well, how about that. 268 00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,273 I love it. 269 00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:49,692 Morty Smith. I'm Scroopy Noopers. 270 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,819 I'm a scientist. Can I show you something? 271 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,696 Uh, I better not. 272 00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,157 Right now. 273 00:10:57,199 --> 00:10:58,868 The center of Pluto, Mr. Smith, 274 00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:01,120 is made of a substance called "plutonium." 275 00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:04,832 mines like these suck plutonium up to the cities, 276 00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:07,126 where corporations use it to power everything, 277 00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:10,838 from diamond cars to golden showers. 278 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,841 And the more we remove, the more Pluto shrinks. 279 00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,843 There it goes again. 280 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,469 Just shrank a little. 281 00:11:17,553 --> 00:11:18,721 But a few years ago, 282 00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:21,640 your scientists noticed Pluto had gotten so small 283 00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:23,934 they couldn't even call it a "planet" anymore. 284 00:11:24,018 --> 00:11:25,811 Should've been our wake-up call. 285 00:11:25,895 --> 00:11:27,605 But the rich plutonians won't wake up, 286 00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:30,482 and they love your Dad telling everyone Pluto's a planet 287 00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:32,526 because that means they can keep mining 288 00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:35,863 until Pluto goes from planet to asteroid 289 00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:39,158 to meteor, and finally... 290 00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:41,744 poof. - Um, a party? 291 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,204 Is everyone in your family an idiot? 292 00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:44,955 Well, for sure me and my Dad are. 293 00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:46,790 Well, all you have to do 294 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,417 is get him to admit that, 295 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,003 and you could save four billion lives. 296 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:56,050 Yeah, you know, the thing is my Dad's really insecure. 297 00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,303 Hmm. Funny. 298 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,639 Mr. Needful, out of everything in the store, 299 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:04,350 you'll never guess what we couldn't get rid of. 300 00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:07,978 Oh, my god. 301 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,649 Oh, my god. 302 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:16,320 I wish this desk was lighter. 303 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,406 I wish this knot was looser. 304 00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:21,200 Come on. 305 00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:23,869 I don't -- 306 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,039 Wait, what am I doing? 307 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,250 I wish I knew CPR. 308 00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,542 1, 2, 3. 309 00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:32,253 Oh, Jesus. 310 00:12:32,336 --> 00:12:34,505 What a waste of a monkey paw. 311 00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,507 Mr. Needful, how could you even think of doing 312 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,133 something so horrible? 313 00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:39,802 I'm the devil. What should I do 314 00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:42,054 when I fail -- get myself an ice cream? 315 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,389 You haven't fatted. 316 00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:45,307 People like Rick are making me obsolete. 317 00:12:45,391 --> 00:12:47,309 I mean, seriously. I may be "the devil," 318 00:12:47,393 --> 00:12:50,020 but your grandpa is the devil. 319 00:12:50,104 --> 00:12:51,480 I just want to go back to hell, 320 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,190 where everyone thinks I'm smart and funny. 321 00:12:53,274 --> 00:12:54,900 No! It's not fair. 322 00:12:54,984 --> 00:12:57,194 Everyone in this town got something they wanted 323 00:12:57,278 --> 00:12:58,362 from you -- even Rick. 324 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:01,532 I was your only friend, and I get nothing? 325 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:04,493 Okay. I'll give you one thing. Name it. 326 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,829 I want to help you. 327 00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:07,830 Clever twist. 328 00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:10,082 I learned from the best, you old fart. 329 00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,209 Now, let's go get you hydrated. 330 00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:13,919 Looks like we've got... 331 00:13:14,003 --> 00:13:15,921 haunted boxing gloves that will make you 332 00:13:16,005 --> 00:13:17,881 the heavyweight champion in 1936, 333 00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,842 and then you'll be trapped there, 334 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,343 winning the same fight for eternity. 335 00:13:21,427 --> 00:13:23,304 I can take out the "eternity" and the padding, 336 00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:26,015 and then you'll have some time-traveling mittens. 337 00:13:26,098 --> 00:13:28,017 Oh, look, it's Rosemary's Baby. 338 00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:29,727 How's business? 339 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,603 Here's the last of our inventory. 340 00:13:31,687 --> 00:13:34,565 We're going to file chapter 11 and do some restructuring. 341 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,483 Sounds like code for "You win, Rick." 342 00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,444 That was important to you, wasn't it? 343 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,112 Nope. It was important to your dumb devil friend. 344 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,822 To me, this was all just a bit, 345 00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,449 like when Bugs Bunny fucks with the opera singer 346 00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:44,658 for 20 minutes. 347 00:13:44,742 --> 00:13:46,285 He tried to kill himself. 348 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,537 Seriously? Holy crap. 349 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,247 Holy crap. 350 00:13:50,331 --> 00:13:52,041 But you know what, Grandpa Rick? 351 00:13:52,124 --> 00:13:54,001 He's strong, and he's never going to give up. 352 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,545 - Uh-huh, yeah, I don't care. - Oh, I know. 353 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,422 - Everyone knows you don't care. - So? 354 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,424 So have fun not caring. 355 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,176 - I always do. - Good. 356 00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:04,053 - Yeah, it is good. - It's the best. 357 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,138 I'm sure it is. 358 00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:07,723 - Bye. - Later. 359 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:10,142 I'm here to pick up my undead cat and child. 360 00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,394 Yeah, uh... give me a sec. 361 00:14:12,478 --> 00:14:14,772 These are the forms for the employee health plan. 362 00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:18,317 All right, yeah, put -- put them on my... eh. 363 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,986 I just got bored. 364 00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:23,655 Everybody out. 365 00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:25,616 All right, just one more rally, 366 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,576 then I promise we'll get back to your science project. 367 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,244 Dad, Pluto isn't a planet. 368 00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:30,913 It's shrinking because of corporations. 369 00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:32,915 Yeah, that's what that anti-planet nut job 370 00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,875 Scroopy Noopers was screaming about 371 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,002 outside the Ministry of Money's Fundraiser. 372 00:14:37,086 --> 00:14:39,838 Are you telling me four billion Plutonians are wrong? 373 00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,548 You said science wasn't easy. 374 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,258 I said science isn't always easy. 375 00:14:43,342 --> 00:14:45,844 Obviously, that means sometimes it is easy. 376 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,055 Let's not debase ourselves with word games, son. 377 00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,556 Dad, their whole planet is dying. 378 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,935 Ha! You catted it a planet. Checkmate. 379 00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,853 What's up, Pluto? 380 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,110 Mr. Smith, please tell my friend here 381 00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:03,070 what you just told me. Go on. 382 00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:05,531 My very eager mother just served us nine pickles, 383 00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:07,491 and the "pickles" is Pluto. 384 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,202 My god, the man's a genius. 385 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,121 Um, excuse me. 386 00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:14,206 Morty, what? 387 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,083 Dad, what did you think about the recent report 388 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,293 published by The Pluto Science Reader 389 00:15:18,377 --> 00:15:22,840 linking Pluto-quakes, sinkholes, and surface shrinkage 390 00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:26,385 to deep-core plutonium drilling? 391 00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:29,638 Well, son, what did you think 392 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,640 when you were five and you pooped your pants, 393 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,892 and you threw your poppy undies out your bedroom window 394 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:35,644 because you thought it was like 395 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,396 throwing something in the garbage? 396 00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,107 I mean, I'm trimming the hedges, 397 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,817 and these things are just hanging there. 398 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,819 Was I supposed to think the poop bunny Left them? 399 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:46,864 Good one, Dad. 400 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,700 Hey, Morty, you want to go on a... oh. 401 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,660 Hey, Beth. Hello? 402 00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,121 Hey, Jerry, you in here being stupid? 403 00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:01,336 Thanks. 404 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:03,255 Hey, you know, I was thinking, you know, 405 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,548 I might watch a movie. 406 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,175 I am not programmed for friendship. 407 00:16:06,258 --> 00:16:08,260 Suit yourself. 408 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,431 Hey. Hey. 409 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:13,807 W-W-What's going on? 410 00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:17,144 Um, can you help me do the stupid science fair project? 411 00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:19,104 Whatever. 412 00:16:19,188 --> 00:16:22,399 Jerry, you must be so excited. 413 00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:25,277 The Pluto-bel prize is the highest honor 414 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,488 a scientist can receive. 415 00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:29,490 I'm flattered and humbled. 416 00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:32,284 Oh, I like that. Use that in your speech. 417 00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,578 Also, talk about Pluto being a planet. 418 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,288 People like that. 419 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,956 Your highness, we've captured Scroopy Noopers. 420 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,583 You animals! Animals! 421 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:44,296 Ooh, look who's little journey's come to an end. 422 00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,423 Take him to Pluto-namo Bay. 423 00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:49,051 You can't kill the truth, father. 424 00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,345 - What? - I can see you're confused. 425 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,222 Pluto-namo Bay is a military prison -- 426 00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:55,098 a sort of play on words. 427 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,725 Did he call you "father"? 428 00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,269 Scroopy Noopers, the anti-planet nut job, 429 00:16:59,353 --> 00:17:00,938 is your son? 430 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,273 The young eat the old if you let them, Jerry. 431 00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:06,485 Pluto is a cold, cold celestial dwarf. 432 00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,737 - It's a what? - Huh? Oh, planet. 433 00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:12,115 "Pluto is a cold, cold planet." 434 00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:14,117 That's what I meant. 435 00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:17,204 Knock them dead out there, you. 436 00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:22,459 Pluto is... 437 00:17:31,385 --> 00:17:34,680 ...not a planet. 438 00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:37,474 Ow! It's not a planet. 439 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:40,852 Hey! It's not a planet! 440 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:44,022 I'm an idiot, and I love my son. 441 00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,024 It was a long six hours, 442 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,110 but we've overhauled "Needful Things" 443 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,778 into the globally-compliant web 4.0 444 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:53,782 "E-nomenon," n33dful.Com, 445 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,577 spelled with threes instead of "E's." 446 00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:02,541 Okay, that's it. We just got bought by Google! 447 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:05,377 Mm. I'm so proud of you, Lucius. 448 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,879 So, how much did we make? 449 00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,923 "We." 450 00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:12,259 This is my business. Security! 451 00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:14,219 You're Zuckerberg-ing me? 452 00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:15,846 I was Zuckerberg-ing people 453 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,556 before Zuckerberg's balls dropped. 454 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,392 I'm the devil, bitch! What, what?! 455 00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:26,607 Hey! 456 00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,153 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, oh, hey, Dad. 457 00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:34,114 Um, what -- what are you doing back from Pluto so quick? 458 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,117 Uh... some people just can't handle the truth. 459 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,119 Especially dummies like me. 460 00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,663 Morty, I'm not as smart as your grandpa Rick, 461 00:18:41,747 --> 00:18:45,000 but I promise never to make that your problem again. 462 00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:46,585 Hey, Dad. 463 00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,755 Nobody's smarter than Rick, but nobody else is my Dad. 464 00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,548 You're a genius at that. 465 00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:53,550 Wow. 466 00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:57,137 That's... humbling and flattering, son. 467 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,139 Thank you. 468 00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:01,433 What say we finish ourselves an eight-planet solar system? 469 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,852 Um... I'm just gonna take this thing in 470 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,854 and get an "A." - Butter. 471 00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,564 - But... - You're a genius... 472 00:19:07,648 --> 00:19:08,732 at being my Dad, Dad. 473 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,067 Quit while you're ahead. 474 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,735 And also, knock next time, you know? 475 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,278 I mean, I'm sitting in here, I'm 14 -- 476 00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:14,863 I got a computer in here, you know? 477 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,698 Oh, I -- I think I understand. 478 00:19:16,782 --> 00:19:18,325 You're reality playing with fire 479 00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,743 when you burst in here like that, man. 480 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,286 I get it. Say no more. 481 00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:22,788 I mean, one of these days, 482 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,581 you know, you're gonna end up seeing something. 483 00:19:24,665 --> 00:19:26,917 I got it! Noted. Good night. 484 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,340 How's your pretend grandpa doing, aka "The Devil"? 485 00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,176 - He dumped me. - Oof. Sorry. 486 00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,387 Did we learn a lesson here I'm not seeing? 487 00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:39,763 Not sure. 488 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,640 Maybe in a much bigger way, 489 00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:44,309 Mr. Needful gave us both what we reality wanted? 490 00:19:44,393 --> 00:19:47,771 Because I was always jealous of you hanging out with Morty, 491 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,899 and you didn't realize how much you valued my approval? 492 00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:53,527 - No, that's dumb. - Yeah, not satisfying. 493 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,445 I'll tell you what, though. 494 00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:57,239 If -- if -- if it's satisfaction you're after, 495 00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:58,949 I think I might have an idea. 496 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,243 Uh-huh. 497 00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:02,828 Uh-huh. 498 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,246 Uh-huh, totally. Let's do it. 499 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,997 ? X gonna give it to ya ? ? What? ? 500 00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:07,749 ? Wait for you to get it on your own, 501 00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:09,501 X gonna deliver to ya ? 502 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,503 ? Knock knock, open up the door, it's real ? 503 00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:13,797 ? With the non-stop pop pop and stainless steel ? 504 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,924 ? Go hard, getting busy with it ? 505 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,342 ? But I got such a good heart 506 00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:19,803 that I'll make the mother wonder if he did it ? 507 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,430 ? Damn right, and I'll do it again, 508 00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:24,141 'cause I am nice so I gots to win ? 509 00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,809 ? Break bread with the enemy ? 510 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,477 ? But no matter how many cats I break bread with, 511 00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:28,937 I'll break who you -- ? 512 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,856 And that's how I took my storefront 513 00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:33,400 into the forefront of the up front. 514 00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,068 Thank you, Seattle. 515 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,614 Rick? Summer? 516 00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:42,784 Stupid motherfucker! 517 00:20:42,868 --> 00:20:44,035 You stupid bitch. 518 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,829 Stupid motherfucker! 519 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,039 How do you like that? How do you like that? 520 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,294 W-W-Why? 521 00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,921 Because sometimes what you really need is 522 00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:57,591 for someone else to pay a horrible price. 523 00:21:01,178 --> 00:21:02,763 - We did it. - Yeah, bro. 524 00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:05,432 We totally worked it. We did it! 525 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:07,726 We just putted it off. 526 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:11,062 Yeah, bro. Yeah. 527 00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,723 ? Bitch, please, if the only thing you cats did 528 00:21:46,807 --> 00:21:48,016 was came out to play ? 529 00:21:48,099 --> 00:21:49,768 ? Stay out my way, mother ? 530 00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:51,770 ? First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll ? 531 00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:54,564 ? Then we let it pop, don't let it go ? 532 00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:56,775 ? X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ? 533 00:21:56,858 --> 00:21:59,277 ? X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ? 534 00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:02,113 ? First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll ? 535 00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:04,491 ? Then we let it pop, don't let it go ? 536 00:22:04,574 --> 00:22:07,369 ? X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ? 537 00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,204 ? X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ? 538 00:22:09,287 --> 00:22:11,039 ? Ain't never gave nothing to me ? 539 00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:14,000 Did you get any of that? 540 00:22:14,084 --> 00:22:16,044 It's a good-a show!